Raising Grateful and Kind Kids: A Faith-Filled Approach
Written by Erin Bankowski, MA, LLPC – Clinical Therapist, Oakland Hills Counseling, LLC
Intro – Questions to Consider
What if teaching gratitude and kindness isn’t something we do in a single lesson, but a way of living that forms a child’s character over time?
What if the smallest daily moments—cutting an apple just the way your child likes it, bringing cookies to a neighbor, or thanking the librarian—are what make our kids kind and grateful?
Scripture calls us to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and to “be kind and compassionate to one another” (Ephesians 4:32). When gratitude and kindness become part of the atmosphere at home, children begin to absorb these practices not simply as rules, but as a natural way of family life. They learn that kindness connects us to others and gratitude connects us to God.
Insights – Dynamic to Understand
As parents we tend to imagine gratitude in big ways—thank-you notes after a birthday or kind words spoken on a holiday. But children often learn gratitude and kindness not through grand gestures, but through repeated small experiences.
Research confirms this. One study found that when parents model gratitude through everyday interactions—called “gratitude socialization”—children develop more consistent grateful attitudes and behaviors.¹ When gratitude is demonstrated regularly at home, it becomes a lived experience or relational habit, not merely a concept.
Kindness is formed in much the same way. Children don’t require structured lessons to learn compassion; they need moments where it is reflected back to them. For example, a parent or teacher who notices a child helping a classmate or sibling and intentionally acknowledges that act plants a seed of empathy. These interactions are where emotional maturity develops.
Spiritually, gratitude and kindness gently turn the heart toward what is good and true. They help children recognize God’s blessings in ordinary moments and inspire thoughtful, kind responses to the people around them.
Integration – Research to Inform
Current research aligns closely with biblical wisdom. Studies show:
- Children whose parents model and reinforce gratitude demonstrate increased prosocial behavior and relational skills—not because they are told about gratitude, but because they see it lived out.¹
- Expressing gratitude is linked to higher generosity and stronger peer relationships.² Gratitude activates empathy, a key component of loving others.
- Children who engage in acts of kindness develop stronger emotional regulation and coping skills, which help them navigate stress and social challenges while becoming more resilient.Âł
Parents and educators see this every day: gratitude and kindness don’t just build character—they support emotional well-being.
Expressing gratitude is linked to higher generosity and stronger peer relationships. Gratitude activates empathy, a key component of loving others.
Formation – Principle to Practice
How can families begin weaving gratitude and kindness into daily rhythms? Here are simple practices that work in everyday life:
Narrate kindness as it happens.
Say things like, “That was thoughtful how you helped your cousin find his shoes,” or “I noticed you thanked the librarian—that was kind of you.” Kids learn from what we reflect back to them.
Invite children into small acts of service.
Let them pick a toy to donate, drop off cookies to a teacher, choose a treat for a neighbor, or hand a cold water bottle to the mail carrier on a hot day. Service becomes part of daily living.
Share gratitude aloud.
During bedtime or dinner, ask:
“What is one thing you were grateful for today?”
Consistency forms the habit. Parents commenting and also sharing reinforces the habit.
Offer creative thank-you options.
A drawing, painted card, or short note communicates genuine appreciation. (Another opportunity to model a family practicing gratitude is everyone sitting down and writing thank you cards or notes to grandparents or family members for Christmas or birthday gifts) Gratitude is about meaning, not perfection. As the old saying goes, “gratitude is more taught than caught.”
“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds” (Psalm 9:1).
Scripture – Truth to Claim
Parents teach as much through who they are as what they say. Children learn by watching us:
- Offer thanks
- Apologize after a hard moment
- Show kindness when tired
- Extend grace when wronged
When parents model appreciation and compassion, children learn that gratitude is part of their identity as a member of your family, community or church. Seeds planted in ordinary family moments often grow into lifelong habits—habits that shape their character—how they treat others, see the world, and understand God’s presence in their lives.
In time our children will develop their own relationship with God, and we pray gratitude and trust will be the strong foundation of their hearts, “I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds” (Psalm 9:1).
Reflection – Deeper Dive
- Where did you see or experience gratitude in your home today?
- How might you reflect kindness aloud so your child begins to recognize it in real time?
- What simple act of service could your family take part in this week?
- Where might God be inviting your family to practice gratitude in ordinary moments?
Author Byline
Erin Bankowski, MA, LLPC – Clinical Therapist, Oakland Hills Counseling, LLC
www.oaklandhillscounseling.com   Follow us: Instagram
Endnotes
¹ Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Rothenberg, W. A., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., Costanzo, P. R., & Mokrova, I. (2019). Raising grateful children one day at a time. Applied Developmental Science, 23(4), 371–384.
² Watkins, P., Scheer, J., Ovnicek, M., & Kolts, R. (2006). The prosocial function of gratitude in young children’s relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(1), 194–200.
Âł Greenwood Davis, H. (2022). Building an attitude of gratitude in children. National Geographic.
